Past and Future

I am so sad.

When we want something to come our way quickly and so desperately we tend to forget or miss out on the little details you'll miss once it's all done and over with.

I've been so busy focusing on solving and planning my life in the couple past months, that I've seem to alienate myself from my past and most importantly my present.

I've been having horrible nightmares. Nightmares in which I lose my mum, sometimes I can't find her, sometimes she's gone. I wake up crying and feeling so desperate it drives me to the edge of insanity. These dreams feel so vivid and so painful that it's as if my limbs were all being torn apart. Apparently I haven't stopped to think about how much I will miss her.

I've seem to forget how much I love my little brother and how happy he makes me everyday when he lets me into his magical lil world. He's so important to me, he's a part of myself, something I just can't take away. Taking care of him and seeing how he develops such a strong personality makes me feel like I've done something good in life already.

My dad, such a strong support to me, someone who really only wants what's best for me, someone who's taught me such important lessons, things Ill always treasure. Even though we don't have the closest or strongest relationship, somehow I feel that's needless because of who we are.

My brother. The rebel without a cause, regardless how much we attack each other and how far we are from anything called a 'good relationship' he's always willing to give me a helping hand without a reason.

My grandpa, one of the most important people in my life, always there strong as a rock. Always letting me know how much he cares and making me feel more special than I am. For some reason he's chosen to love me unconditionally and that's something I'll never let go of.

Mama for giving me the example of what a strong and independent woman should be like. I love and thank you.

My friends for trying to be real friends at all times, for lending me an ear, a shoulder to cry on and a home away from home.

I don't know who I'd be without you and truth is even though my future is exciting and unknown I'll still miss you too much to be able to explain.

Maria