Panic

Have you ever hated a part of you? You try to cover it up with all your qualities but once in a blue moon along comes someone who can decipher what it is that everyone else can't see in you and you panic. You know it's there. How can you change it?

Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven

Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please


Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Cause I know I don't belong

Here in heaven

Rest in Peace Tia, I'll miss you.

Breathing

Almost 4am and I'm still wide awake despite of my self promise of going to bed early today...Well, technically, I did go to bed early...sleep, not so much. It's been over a month since I started being invaded by my old friend 'insomnia', lovely eh? I can't say much right now except that I'm listening to 'Just Breathe' by Anna Nalick over and over, guess if I haven't gotten tired of the song in almost four years, I'm not gonna start now. 'No one can find the rewind button boys so cradle your head in your hands' that line rings rather true to me.

You Take My Troubles Away - Rachael Yamagata & Dan Wilson

Regrets

'Life is one' they say, you have to live it, don't think so much and go for things, but they also say 'think before you act so you don't regret your actions'...who to believe? what to believe? Well, when you're a teenager who's feeling, lost, confused and scared shitless you don't really want to think, you want to go for whatever it is that's waving a red flag in front of you...It's hard and it's scary, but you put your thoughts on hold and act upon your feelings and when you're older you look back and can either think 'how could I be so stupid?' OR 'Man, those times were fun'.

It all depends on how you look at it, doesn't it? It's a funny world. I know regretting is as good as worrying- useless, but it's just one of those things one can't help...you can't just un-regret something, which is why I think we all live our lives hoping one day the regrets won't torment us so much and so intensely, maybe one day.

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Rainy Thursday in England 2011

I once wrote in my blog how much I was wishing for a rainy thursday in England. Today I happen to have just that and I'm enjoying every single second of it. There's nothing quite as charming as feeling a 14 degrees celsius temperature in the middle of august and I know most would disagree but still I find that if I were back home and I got to see this picture I would be dying to trade all the caribbean sunshine and heat for this gloomy image. I'm so glad everything in my life has lead to this precise moment in London.

Expectations

Dear Charlie Brown,

It's been a while sir, sorry I have deliberately avoided you for the past months.

At the present moment I'm your regular Maria, nothing much has changed, life hasn't made me

a hero yet, I'm not a model, a doctor or a brilliant philosopher, just me.

I know we had a bag full of expectations, dreams and hopes for me, all expected to be happening right about now in London.

Anyway I'm not writing to make you feel disappointed or sorry for me, I'm okay, I'm not expected to turn into great biographical material yet. I write because I needed to let you know about my latest discovery. What I'm about to inform you Mr. Brown, is possibly something you have been aware of from my past letters and irregular updates.

I have come to the conclusion that life is expecting things from me, of that I'm sure, especially the past few years when a series of events led me to believe so, the big spin here Mr. Brown is that having realised that I assumed a stronger stance: 'if life expects greatness from me, I can only expect greatness from it' and that's that. But now that I think about it, you're probably sitting down reading this with a big smile on your face thinking 'How come you're realising this now? I thought it was clear', which makes me smile, because I honestly had never thought of it that way.

Life is for Living2

I truly am unwritten.