It's Not Philophopia, it's Just Algiophobia

I just really realized how relieved I actually feel about not having to hurt over anyone.

I know not having a significant other near me is kind of sad sometimes, but just the thought of feeling free, free to love more, to be me alone is delightful.

Besides all that, not having to worry about not being loved anymore or being left when you most care is just such a relief to me. I've always been afraid of hurting, of feeling any kind of pain, be it physical or emotional and the funny thing is I've been feeling pain for so long, I've grown used to it, I'm kind of numb.

I'm funny and sarcastic and distant. I make others feel better but I don't know how to do that for myself...I need to learn to deal with this thing if I ever want to really love someone and mean it. In order for me to fall in love I need to lose my fear of feeling pain, cause it's inevitable.

Ave Maria by Schubert

Ave Maria gratia plena,
Maria gratia plena,
Maria gratia plena.
Ave ave Dominus.
Dominus te-cum.
Benedicta tu in mulieribus.
Et benedictus.
Et benedictus fructus ventris,
Ventris tui Iesus.
Ave Maria.

Ave Maria Mater Dei.
Ora pro nobis pecatoribus.
Ora ora pro nobis.
Ora ora pro nobis peccatoribus.
Nunc et in hora mortis.
In hora mortis nostrae.
In hora mortis mortis nostrae.
In hora mortis nostrae.
Ave Maria.

Ave Maria gratia plena.
Maria gratia plena.
Maria gratia plena.
Ave ave Dominus.
Dominus te cum.
Benedicta tu in mulieribus.
Et benedictus.
Et benedictus fructus ventris,
Ventris tui Iesus.
Ave Maria.

Hail, Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Here's to sweet Mother Mary, who never leaves me alone.

New

It's time for me to move on. Get out of my comfort zone and explore what's really out there.

Hell yeah, I've made mistakes, tons and tons of them. Now am ready for new learning experiences.

I want to be able to walk down a new street, look around and not recognise anything.

I want to take pictures of new sceneries and faces. Fall in and out of love, and then back in love.

Wild nights out, the kind that give you a headache the next day. New hair colours, the kind that give your parents a headache.

New friendships, the kind that don't break my heart.

Enantis 2010

Class video I made, but never really played it on graduation,

so it's just going to the memory box : )

Life is for Living*

''Cause my head just aches when I think of the things that I shouldn't have done...

But life is for living, we all know, and I don't wanna live it alone''

I Am Made Of Stardust

''Fasten your sit belts, the road coming ahead is bumpy and dangerous''.

I am no longer the little, innocent girl with fear in her eyes. I am now feeling the adrenaline burning my veins with its fire, I'm full of purpose and hope. I am not willing to give up on my dream, 'failure' does not suit me.

I want it all and I am ready to fight for it with all my strength. I will not surrender to other

people's negative opinions, for I am who I want to be and that doesn't depend on anyone. YOU can't bring me down because I haven't given you the right.

I am now one step away from accomplishing my dream, now is not the time to throw the towel,

to sit back and just 'let it be'. I've got God on my side, positive energy and the support of people who matter. Just as I speak, the universe is working its magic ;)

Come on, didn't you know dreamers are made of stardust?

MJ

Another by Poe

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow --
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand --
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep -- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?A Dream Within a Dream

June 11th 2010

The day that never came...finally came our way

-11

Two more options, Regina, Canada and Rome :) Thank you God.

4

Sometimes it hurts to be a dreamer.

London*

Guess who's accepted to the Fall Semester in Hult in LONDON!

...Yeah, that's right. Me.

Right now I'm really happy and I feel an unstoppable sense of accomplishment. Hope it lasts...Hope this dream does come true.

I thank you God once more for never, ever, ever leaving me or my family alone. For facilitating every step of this long road, I trust in your infinite power, mercy and love to help me achieve what I've always wanted.

I know you will provide, one way or the other, you will provide...

To Destiny*

Here's the note that changed, help, saved my life:

Hey, Maria... It's OK. Everything is fine. You've always been guided. Even now you are watched, and held, and adored. You've made great stuff happen, and you will make more great stuff happen. You've changed lives. You've changed your own. You've moved mountains and done the impossible. You've been scared and you overcame. You've been knocked down and you rose. And you've been lost, or so you thought, only to discover it was just the calm before another storm of creativity, love, and fun. Humbled like the rest of 'em, The Universe

- 32

I've got the repetitive riffs of a lovely song stuck in my head.

Graduation, culmination, beginning, all of that approaching my way in a one way fast train

and all I can think of is how different things have turned out to be from what I expected.

I hope everything will sort itself out soon :) I am confident it will.

To You*

Surprise, Surprise, couldn't find it in your eyes...

Class Poem

Tonight we stand on future’s threshold reminiscing old memories and yearning new smiles, we wear not only the ceremonial cap and gown but experience, wisdom we’ve obtained throughout 14 years of edification and comradeship, patience, struggle and from this moment on we can say, success.

We have learned that we mustn’t look back unless it’s to not repeat the same mistakes; it’s about moving on and leaving a footprint wherever you are, doing whatever is your passion, treasuring life because it can pass you by unnoticed, doing well to others and spreading a message of hope unto the next generations.

Each one of us is a unique soul, a multicolored mind, a dream waiting to come true, the innovation of ideas and the ignition of faith. Tonight is the night we look at fate face to face and show it we’re not afraid to be different or to speak up.

Of Life, Love and Loss.

This one goes to three L's.

Life, Love and Loss, can we have one without the other? No.

We live to love and love to lose. Lose to love and love to live. Live to lose and lose to love.

Complicated and ironic? Maybe, but simple at the same time.

We live to love others and feel loved and we can only lose if we love. We lose pride and selfishness to love and need to love in order to live, to feel alive.

The only requirement to experiment loss and love is to be alive,

so welcome to life, learn to accept the three L's and you're good to go,

if you manage to do this, let me know how!

Rotterdam Meat Blockade!

Activists stop a major transport of whale meat on way from Iceland to Japan

ROTTERDAM, Netherlands — At around 4:30 this morning, our activists took action against commercial whaling and trade in whale meat by blocking a container ship with fin whale meat onboard bound for Japan from Iceland. (Live updates.)

The activists chained themselves to the mooring ropes of the container ship NYK ORION, which has meat from 13 endangered fin whales onboard in seven containers. Greenpeace is calling on the authorities to seize the containers and urging the protection of whales at the upcoming meeting of the International Whaling Commission.

Update - Success!!!

Following our protest this morning, Rottderdamport police have promised that a whale meat shipment en route to Japan from Iceland will remain at the port. The ship's owner has decided to off load the Fin whale meat rather than become complicit in the trade in an endangered species.

* For more information : http://www.greenpeace.org/international/news/rotterdam-whale-meat-blockade

Past and Future

I am so sad.

When we want something to come our way quickly and so desperately we tend to forget or miss out on the little details you'll miss once it's all done and over with.

I've been so busy focusing on solving and planning my life in the couple past months, that I've seem to alienate myself from my past and most importantly my present.

I've been having horrible nightmares. Nightmares in which I lose my mum, sometimes I can't find her, sometimes she's gone. I wake up crying and feeling so desperate it drives me to the edge of insanity. These dreams feel so vivid and so painful that it's as if my limbs were all being torn apart. Apparently I haven't stopped to think about how much I will miss her.

I've seem to forget how much I love my little brother and how happy he makes me everyday when he lets me into his magical lil world. He's so important to me, he's a part of myself, something I just can't take away. Taking care of him and seeing how he develops such a strong personality makes me feel like I've done something good in life already.

My dad, such a strong support to me, someone who really only wants what's best for me, someone who's taught me such important lessons, things Ill always treasure. Even though we don't have the closest or strongest relationship, somehow I feel that's needless because of who we are.

My brother. The rebel without a cause, regardless how much we attack each other and how far we are from anything called a 'good relationship' he's always willing to give me a helping hand without a reason.

My grandpa, one of the most important people in my life, always there strong as a rock. Always letting me know how much he cares and making me feel more special than I am. For some reason he's chosen to love me unconditionally and that's something I'll never let go of.

Mama for giving me the example of what a strong and independent woman should be like. I love and thank you.

My friends for trying to be real friends at all times, for lending me an ear, a shoulder to cry on and a home away from home.

I don't know who I'd be without you and truth is even though my future is exciting and unknown I'll still miss you too much to be able to explain.

Maria

The Lake by Edgar Allan Poe

In spring of youth it was my lot
To haunt of the wide world a spot
The which I could not love the less-
So lovely was the loneliness
Of a wild lake, with black rock bound,
And the tall pines that towered around.

But when the Night had thrown her pall
Upon that spot, as upon all,
And the mystic wind went by
Murmuring in melody-
Then-ah then I would awake
To the terror of the lone lake.

Yet that terror was not fright,
But a tremulous delight-
A feeling not the jewelled mine
Could teach or bribe me to define-
Nor Love-although the Love were thine.

Death was in that poisonous wave,
And in its gulf a fitting grave
For him who thence could solace bring
To his lone imagining-
Whose solitary soul could make
An Eden of that dim lake.

This is my favourite by Poe.

Fireflies

¨To ten million fireflies I'm weird cause I hate goodbyes...I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly¨

Please take me away from here*

Numb*

To do ?

1. Waiting for Universities to reply

2. Waiting for date with the Italian embassy

3. Writing the Term Paper

4. Read the book I'm missing for the term paper

5. Do my French homework

6. Waiting for Universities to reply

7. Saving money for grad trip and college

8. Get rid of writer's block

9. Save the world

Talk to Nestle! Warning: your Kit Kat may contain traces of forest destruction!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pZPb93uDdM

Me Encantaría

Me encantaría encantarte.

Mis canciones cantarte y en una nube de papel mis sueños revelarte.

Besar las estrellas con nuestros parpados y más nunca tener que aterrizar en este mundo tan gris.

Quiero pintarte de azul y admirarte en mis mañanas de tristeza, convencerme de que el azul es un bonito color. De que el azul es mi color.

No dejarte ir porque me haces feliz, más de lo que nunca fui. Y quizás me pintes de verde, porque el verde siempre ha sido el color de tus sueños.

Te enseñare a soñar en un tono de purpura que sus sueños de escarlata nunca conocerán.

...Cuanto me encantaría encantarte...

Ultimo Bacio*

... Porque de alguna manera tengo que expresar mi lado romantico.