again!

Oh no...here it goes again... when everything seemed right something came and blew right away!

Ornates

Too much stress and frustration right now, it's like I'm headed into an one end alley called 'Gastritis'...
The view from here doesn't look good, and the things which are supposed to help me are probably just ornates in the way, pretty and shiny but at the end just ornates...Useless and absurd ornates.

Future Plans...?

Lately my mind has been invaded by existencial questions which only fill me with doubt and uncertainty. It seems like things that were already so pristine and clear to me, make no sense at all now. Maybe I'm changing, evolving into someone more 'mature' or maybe it's the opposite and I'm just rejecting maturity to remain my own self, the one in the present.
I know I'm not the only one with fear for the future. The human being has always had an amazing curiosity for the unknown, it's just our nature...

Trouble

O no, I see,
A spider web is tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I'd said.

O no, what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
So I turn to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done,

And I never meant to cause you trouble,
I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
And oh no, I never meant to do you harm.

O no, I see,
A spider web and it's me in the middle,
So I twist and turn,
Here am I in my little bubble,

Singing I, I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I, I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh, no I never meant to do you harm.

They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me.


Trouble by Coldplay

I'm a terrible person

I'm a terrible person, cause Ive made up my mind.
Im disastrous and I hurt people by being like that, Im really not constant and I change my mind easily...Its not just that I change my mind but that I dont think things well before I operate and that's when I get in trouble.
Sometimes I just wanna go back in time and have the problems I had then, cause somehow they were so much easier to solve than the ones I have now. Why can't it ever be a bit easier? It's really annoying.
All I wanna do is get away from here as soon as I can, to a place far away, alone. Think for myself and make up my mind for once, cause I don't wanna hurt and I dont want people to hurt because of me. I'm complicated and that's why I think very few people get me, if anyone does at all...And to be honest, I dont think anyone fully gets this level of simple complexity (ironic too much?). I'm learning so much about myself and understanding me better everyday. Finally.
It was about time. This is a journey I can only take by myself and it's scary but it needs to be done, cause there so many things I have to prepare myself for before I get out there alone.
But for now, all I know is, that I'm a terrible person and there are a lot of things I don't deserve and I still get them.

Full Moon

They say that in every full moon night, we let go of ourselves a bit more. I agree. It all started a full moon night, ALL of this, the rest of my life. I think I predicted everything that would happen that night, and I'll never forget the people who were with me, the mood I was in and the things that were said. Interesting how such a mystical thing could unravel so many hidden affairs of destiny.
Here I sit, many full moons later thinking about how every single one of my predictions became true...

Breathe

'' 'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.''

...

Strawberry Fields Forever

Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.Strawberry Fields forever.Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out.It doesn't matter much to me.Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.Strawberry Fields forever.No one I think is in my tree, I mean it must be high or low.That is you can't you know tune in but it's all right.That is I think it's not too bad.Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.Strawberry Fields forever.Always no sometimes think it's me, but you know I know when it's a dream.I think, er No, I mean, er Yes but it's all wrong.That is I think I disagree.Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.Strawberry Fields forever.Strawberry Fields forever.Strawberry Fields forever.

by: The Beatles

...Can someone please take me to strawberry fields...where nothing is real?

Happiness available?

And why is it that everytime something's going good for me it blows up in my face as it to say ''You don't deserve happiness'' ...

Curious

So there's this feeling I'm having lately...It's a good one. I like it so far.

Maybe it's the thrill of knowing it's wrong but it feels right at the same time. It's bittersweet, but God knows that's my favourite flavour.

I have to clear my head and think it through before I make a move for it can change my whole life, maybe for good but maybe not...Maybe I can take my chances haha. It's good having it as a secret so far, because it feels so mine. I want to know where this feeling is going to take me, I'm curious about it.

I hope I find out soon if this is exactly what I want...I just need a hint first because Im so not the type that makes the first move or who is the first to take action. Just one little clue to make up my mind.

Catherine Children

You are so very special to me, you have absolutely no idea. When we met, I had no idea that in so short time you would become one of my dearest friends. You see, the way I see things, it's almost impossible for something like our friendship to exist. That's why it's so precious to me.

I know you miss me a lot, but so do I!! I really wish we lived closer, things would be so much easier or maybe not. You have to think of it this way, sometimes distance makes relationships better and stronger (any kind of relationship) and maybe this long gap between us is just there to prove we really care for each other and that no matter the distance we're there for each other.

And I really am here for you all the time, even if we don't talk for 1 month, I know I have someone thinking of me and that's great. I always hope everything's going great for you! I just want to let you know you don't have to be sad about us being far away from each other, you're still closer to me than most people that surround me. Trust me on that one.

Maybe someday, sooner than we think, we'll be back walking down the streets of rainy Manchester looking for the closest Subway or trying to get to Picadilly Gardens to go shopping, and that'll be perfect again. I really miss you but I'm so grateful I have you as my friend, with you nothing is " Awkwardly Strange" hahaha :P I love you lots, really.


Amanda from Panama =)